


finding love

by Endles



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Coming of Age, Gen, Green used to be a dick, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Personal Growth, Red is my baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 21:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10052042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Endles/pseuds/Endles
Summary: With so many roads to walk it's easy to get lost, and sometimes you need to disappear in order to find yourself again.Red's path from a child to the end of one road, pertaining his difficult relationship with Green, girls, and the adults around him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Edited and (hopefully) improved from the story originally posted on Fanfiction.net in 2011.

 

First time in Cerulean city was always an experience to behold, and far enough to leave a wide-eyed ten year old boy speechless. Descending from Mt. Moon the city came to view like a dazzling toy-box of sorts, with all its pretty buildings and bright colors and neon signs. And once _in_ the city you would instantly be engulfed in the flow of smiling-laughing-polite-friendly people that never seemed to end. Red had honestly never felt as anxious and out of place in his _life_ , not even when Green had stopped playing with him and he'd been alone and sad and hadn't understood what was happening.

The Pikachu on his shoulder leaned just a bit closer, as if the tiny mouse was trying to merge with his head. He smiled a little at the thought and made his way to an empty bench on the roadside. Pikachu hopped down from his shoulder as soon as there was space, and together they sat on the bench, taking a look at the map. He had passed the pokécenter somewhere along the way, but had gotten lost in the crowd and was now unsure about where to continue.

A few minutes later, he was so deeply immersed in his inspection that he didn't notice the girl that first stopped to watch him and then walked over to the bench.

"Hey," she called out, snapping him back to attention. "You're going to the gym, right?"

Red only blinked, but besides him Pikachu nodded eagerly. The girl grinned.

"Thought so." She beamed, winking at Pikachu. "I have a good eye for rookie gym challengers."

"I... see," Red said slowly.

"Yeah, but hey, you can follow me! I can show you the way to the gym!"

Red nodded this time. "Thank you," he said, not really knowing what he was supposed to say or do in this kind of situation.

Luckily she didn't seem to notice. "O-K, then let's go!" She beckoned him to follow and turned to lead the way.

The girl had short, bright orange hair on a high ponytail, and she seemed to know her way through the town really well. She must've lived there, Red mused. He, on the other hand, wasn't all that sure where he was going, and had to do his best to keep on her tracks. She glanced back occasionally to see if he was following and waited if he fell behind more than a few steps. And she kept on smiling. Soon enough, after some ten minutes of walking, they reached the gym.

The girl turned to him in front of the building. "The Cerulean gym specializes in the water-type, so it's actually a huge swimming pool!" She giggled. "The gym trainer is the best swimmer in the whole town. They say she looks just like a mermaid in the water."

Red looked impressed. "She must be strong too."

She giggled some more. "Well, yes, I suppose she is."

They went inside, and Red saw the whole hall really _was_ one great pool. Apparently it was now swimming time for pokémon, as it was filled with lots of goldeens and staryus and many other water-type pokémon. But the gym leader was nowhere in sight.

He turned quizzically towards the girl who had taken off her dress and was now boasting a simple black bikini. She grinned, and Red had to admit that even though he didn't know much about girls, this one was really pretty.

"And now, let me introduce you the gym leader, Misty," she exclaimed striking a graceful pose. "That's me!"

Red smiled, just a bit surprised. "I'm Red from Pallet town, and I've come to win myself the Cascade badge. Will you accept my challenge?"

Misty laughed. "I’d never turn down such an eager young man."

So, they had their battle, Red winning almost easily. He had a clear type advantage with his trusted pikachu and  he hadn't come that far only to lose to her. When Pikachu had taken out Starmie with spark and the battle was over, Misty smiled. It was different from those smiles she had given him before, and it somehow left Red feeling... odd.

"Well, I lost," she said, not sounding disappointed at all. "I did my best, so you deserve this badge."

She handed him the water drop -shaped gem, and he took it with a nod, hiding it into the secret pocket inside his short-sleeved jacket.

"Say, Red, was it?" She asked, casting her eyes down and curiously turning a bit pink on the cheeks. "Don't you think I'm cute?"

This time he blinked in _real_ surprise. It kind of felt like his brain had shut down.

"I really like you, for some reason," Misty went on. "You seem honest and kind, and you're not boasting yourself all over the place like every other guy I've met."

Red was suddenly reminded of Green and had to swallow down the flood of emotions _that_ brought along.

"So…" She crept a bit closer, until she was near enough to whisper in his ear. "Wouldn't you stay here with me a bit longer?"

He swallowed again. No girl had ever liked him, not really. Leaf had always been nice to him, but she had other boys in her mind. His mother had told him that someday he would meet the right one, and they would start a family and be happy, just like she and his father had been. But that had always seemed like such a distant thought―and it still did. Misty of course didn't mean that, she maybe just wanted to be his… girlfriend? He had heard about that, at least. You went on dates and held hands and shared... _kisses._

" _Um..._ " he mumbled. Maybe he was blushing, but he hoped not. That was _girly_.

"You could work here at the gym with me, since you're a really good trainer! It doesn't even matter that you don't use the right type."

That sounded―kinda _cool_ , actually. But then again, he was in the middle of touring the region and beating the gyms. Could he really stop now, when he'd just started? No, that wasn't the right question... He hadn't ever even really _wanted_ to go on a journey. He was the son of a really great trainer, mum had always told him about father's achievements with a longing in her voice. He had been proud, but it hadn't seemed like something he'd want  for himself.

And still he'd been thrown out here, on an adventure. Professor Oak had given him his first pokémon, a handsome baby charmander. And soon after he'd met Pikachu in Viridian forest, and the mouse had soon become his best friend. But what was he doing, really? He wasn't doing this because he wanted to become the strongest and greatest trainer in the region, because that was―

He paused as the name of his so-called rival filled his mind. _Green_.

That was the answer. He was chasing after him, chasing after Green and their lost friendship. If he continued, he'd surely find it once more. He _couldn't_ stop now.

"I'm sorry," he said out loud. "I have to keep going."

She looked at him with round blue eyes. Then, suddenly, she dipped forward to land a small kiss on his lips. This time he _definitely_ blushed, since he could feel the heat seeping into his cheeks. Misty laughed whole-heartedly.

"I get it, I get it..." she said. “But that's a small parting gift for you, so you won't forget me."

He smiled and thanked her for everything, and after talking for a while longer the two said their goodbyes. Red left for Vermilion and when he met Green aboard of SS. Anne, he didn't regret his choice even though the boy laughed at him and teased him about Misty. It was _so_ worth it.

**.**

Victory Road was rocks, rocks, and a lot more _rocks_ , plus golbats flying right next to your ear, and sore feet, and wishing for daylight after nearly a week spent in the darkness. Red sighed as he sat on a _rock_ and watched his companions eat their snacks in the light of his lantern and Charizard's tail flame. The guys were a bit big for the cave, Snorlax especially, but somehow he had managed to find a spot where he could let them all out of their pokéballs.

It had been a long road to here, he thought, and Pikachu hopped on his knee, easily balancing himself before hopping once more onto his shoulder. He'd grown up a lot—you didn't simply walk around Kanto in a day. He had been turning eleven when he began, and now he was soon turning twelve. It felt like a lot more.

Suddenly there was a sound, footsteps far lighter than those of the pokémon that typically resided in the cave. A strangely familiar girl's voice sounded and echoed back from the walls.

"Hello? Is it you, Red? I think I can see Charizard," the girl shouted. Red got up, pointing his lantern to the direction he thought she was in. Soon a brunette with a blue shirt and a red skirt appeared in his vision.

"I thought it was you," Leaf said with a perky smile, just like he remembered her. He hadn't seen the girl all that much during his journey, except for a handful of times they'd happened to stay in the same pokécenter. "I guess you're stuck here too."

"Not stuck," Red said immediately. He didn't want to think that he was stuck, because he _wasn't_. And even if he _was_ , thinking about it would only make it worse.

"Okay, not stuck," she allowed, following him to the rocks and sitting down next to him. "I do wonder how long I've been here..."

She rambled on about all sorts of things―her travels and pokémon, and how she hated golbats and everything else that flew past her in the dark, making her feel uncomfortable. She let out her wigglytuff and her venusaur, named Bud, and gave the pokémon some food. Red listened to her and realized it was nostalgic, somehow.

When he had been a small kid, Green had been all he had. But when they had grown older, and Green had become distant and mean and stopped talking to him unless it involved insults, Leaf had been there. She had told him about Green and about the things Red had wanted to be doing with him, but couldn't, so he had had to settle for listening to her stories. She had seriously liked Green back then, but maybe she had pitied him, since she had decided to be Red's friend too. Whatever her reasons, he was grateful for it.

"...and—hey! Are you even listening?" The girl snapped, not really angry, but rather amused. He shook his head and Leaf laughed. "You even admit it! You really _are_ honest!"

An old memory came rushing back , reminding Red of a girl in Cerulean and a kiss, and how she had told him he was somehow different from others. _Honest_ , she too had said. Red was glad that the cave wasn't that well lit and the shadows swallowed the faint flush on his face.

"Y'know, I missed you," Leaf started again after a second. "You haven't changed all that much, you're still a good person. Every time we along the way, you listened to me and even did that almost smile of yours and I knew that you... still _cared_."

She was starting to shiver, but the smile never left her lips. Red tried to guess whether she was holding back tears or not as she leaned against him.

"Green's so _odd_ now. It's like he doesn't care about anyone anymore..." Her voice broke, but Red heard clearly the words she left unsaid: _he doesn't care about me._

He didn't sigh, though inside he longed to do so. Instead he carefully put his arm around her and waited for her to calm down. She did and soon smiled against his shoulder.

"I think I'm starting to like you a bit more," she confessed, nothing like shy. Leaf was a brave girl, no matter where. "I wonder if that's possible."

Again, just like the last time he'd been in this kind of a situation with a girl, he didn't know what to say. His thoughts turned to Green and back to Leaf, and it was so _confusing,_ and he didn't know why it hurt, but it _did_. So he stopped thinking and remained silent, holding her there for a long, long time.

They got to the end of Victory Road together. She cheered for him as he battled his way through the Elite Four. When he faced his rival after many battles, Green looked utterly disappointed, and Red kind of wanted to assure the boy that she was cheering for him too. But the words were stuck in his throat, because he couldn't lie to him. He still wanted Green as his friend and yet he couldn't escape from Leaf's feelings either.

As Green's final pokémon fell to the ground, Red felt torn apart.

**.**

Everyone sent him cards and all sorts of weird stuff he was pretty sure he'd never even need. It was nothing but bothersome―sure he was proud, and it was wonderful to see the smile on his mother's face when he finally returned home after a year. They held a big celebration, which was his birthday party, a welcome back party, and a "Congratulations on becoming the Champion!" -party, all combined. Almost everyone from the town was there. Everyone, except _Green._

He spoke to professor Oak during the festivities, and the professor told him that the boy had left for Sevii islands. He said that it was good for him, and that Green really needed to think about the way he viewed his life and the people in it, and he asked Red not to worry about the boy. Red rather thought it was a stupid thing to say. How could he not worry? He felt like he had shattered Green's dreams, and it was so _weird_ , because he also understood that it had actually been Green, who had been mean to _him_.

But life went on, and for a year he heard nothing about the boy.

He engulfed himself in studies and mostly lived at the Indigo Plateau, as he really _was_ the champion and as such had duties to uphold. He liked being at the league, honestly. Lorelei was a big sister type, caring and nice and lovely. Bruno kept to himself, but Red trusted him and he got the feeling that the man trusted him, and it was more than he could've hoped for. And Agatha was the best of them. She was like a grandma to Red, since he'd never met his real grandmother. He watched her get older and become more forgetful with both worry and fondness, but was proud to see that she still hadn't lost her touch to battling.

Then there was Lance, the dragon tamer. He was from Johto, Red soon came to know, and he was also, as Red knew from experience, incredibly _strong_. He was far stronger than any regular trainer, and all of the trainers who tried the League during his time there were stopped by Lance.

And still, Red felt unnerved by him. It wasn't like the man was mean to him, quite the contrary. He had seemed to come to appreciate the young champion very much. He was always doing his best to make Red feel comfortable. Maybe that was exactly why he failed at it.

When Red was thirteen and three weeks old, Green came back. He looked different—older, taller and wiser, nothing like he'd looked when he left. He came straight to the League and marched into Red's room, effectively avoiding Lance, who usually stopped people trying to see him, whatever the reason.

"Yo," the teen said. Red looked up from his paper and blinked. "I'm back."

It could've unnecessary to say it, since Red could clearly _see_ he was back, but it wasn't as light of a statement as that. He was _back_ , back to be his friend. Red couldn't speak—he understood now that he couldn't speak whenever he didn't want the moment to break. And he also couldn't speak, because he'd learned with Green that too much speaking would only get him into trouble.

"You're probably busy with all this champion shit, but I just..." Green shrugged and maybe looked embarrassed. "I dunno? Wanted to see you, talk to you. I owe you, don't I?"

Yes, Green owed him _a lot_ , like his words and his childhood and the friendship he'd lost, and yet he found himself unable to say it. He was lost in the moment.

"I know..." the boy muttered, as if he could read his thoughts. Maybe he could―no, actually Red was sure he could. "Well anyway... I'm gonna take the post as Viridian's gym leader. I'm cool with it, it takes a lot to become the best gym leader, and I can promise you that I won't let many trainers get to you." He grinned and looked Red square in the eyes. Something inside the young champion melted.

"Sounds good," Red said, and the almost-there-smile ghosted on his lips. He knew Green saw it.

"Yeah," he agreed. "But I'm gonna go now, I still gotta drop by Leaf's new place. Come visit sometime, and I'll visit you, deal?"

Red's heart skipped a beat, but he didn't know why. "Deal."

With a grin and a wave the boy was out, and right after him came the dragon tamer barging in. Lance looked a mix between annoyed and worried. Red wasn't sure which one of them was the greater emotion in the man's mind.

"He was Professor Oak's grandson, right? The guy who managed to become the champion right before you? What did he want?" Lance asked stilling himself in front of his desk. Pikachu, who had been sleeping on the desk, was startled and ran over to Red, hiding in his lap.

"He's my..." Red began, but the word got caught in his throat. Could he say it? He swallowed. "I know him."

The redhead looked unimpressed. "Interesting... wasn't he the one who refused to accept his defeat, until professor Oak came by?"

Red would've flinched if he was any lesser man—or boy, more like. Lance's tone was poisonous. Red knew the man hadn't liked how Green had acted in the scene, but wasn't this a bit too much? Green was just a kid, or at least had been back then.

When the boy remained silent, Lance continued. "Do you want to know what I think?"

Red looked at him, wordlessly urging him to go on, even though he _wasn't_ sure if he wanted to hear what he thought.

"I'm telling you this, because I think you've got experience and knowledge far beyond your years. I don't want such talent to go to waste, if you get caught up in... an _unfavorable_ relationship."

The dragon tamer coughed. He gave the champion a meaningful look, as if trying to search his way inside Red's brain through his eyes. Red felt uncomfortable.

"That boy isn't on your level. He's, well honestly said, dangerous for you. It would be wise for you to stop talking to him."

_After I just got him back?_ Red wanted to scream.

"You can―" The man seemed to fidget. "You can count on me. I will be there for you in his place."

The man looked yearning and Red felt like he was about to break. He wanted to run away, but at the same time he couldn't go anywhere. Why was the older trainer doing this? Why was _everyone_ doing this? He didn't feel like he was way more mature than other people his age. He was a kid and he wanted to be a kid. He wasn't really even honest—he just didn't tell anyone anything. Nobody around him saw the scared little boy inside, so they all wanted to have a piece of him, thinking they knew him, but they didn't.

And Lance… he couldn't even look the man in the eyes.

"I'll think about it," he said and his voice didn't quiver. He looked away, and the man before him nodded and left, leaving him in a room that had suddenly become so small he was _suffocating_.

**.**

Two months later Red stood outside in all black clothes as the rain poured down on them mercilessly. Someone said that it seemed like heaven was crying, but it sounded like such a cliché in the situation that it only made Red cringe on the inside. It was Agatha's funeral. The old lady herself had said two days prior that her time was near. Red hadn't wanted to believe it, but he still had. That's why he wasn't surprised and he didn't cry. Pikachu was very still on his shoulder—the little mouse had liked her too.

Red really _had_ adored Agatha. After all, she had been the only person who truly made him feel at ease and at home in the Indigo Plateau. She had been there to protect him from the world of adults, all grandmotherly and loving. Red felt like he'd lost a piece of himself along with her.

Green was at the funeral. He'd come with his grandfather. After the ceremony the gym leader walked to where Red was standing, alone under a black umbrella, staring at Agatha's grave from a distance.

"Hey," the boy said. "I'm sorry for your loss."

Those were the correct words for the situation, but they fit badly in Green's mouth. It was almost funny, really, but Red didn't feel like thinking about anything fun. He glanced at his friend-or-whatever and noticed the small, fluffy creature perched on top of his head, like a white and brown hat with ears.

"Eevee?" He asked nonchalantly, turning back to gaze at the grave.

"Yeah, she's my new girl. Found her abandoned near the gym, some bastard had left her there with a broken paw. Nursed her back to health, and now she won't even leave my sight."

Green sounded proud while telling the story, proud in a new way—not crude at all, simply happy. Red was glad, for some mysterious reason.

"That's nice," he said feeling a bit better. It was like he was being cured from his sorrow by Green's words. "How's the gym, then?"

"Just splendid... I've done some renovating on my free time, since I don't get too many challengers. It looks really cool already. You should come and see for yourself."

Red didn't say anything, but smiled a bit sadly.

"But yeah, even with all that I've got loads of time to spare, so I've been travelling around. Daisy keeps nagging 'bout it to me, saying that I shouldn't leave the gym like that, in case there might be some ‘poor trainer’ who'll have to wait for me while I'm away. Whatever, right, I'm sure nobody's in that much of a hurry to the Victory Road that they can't spend a few days in Viridian." Green took a few steps forward so he was standing right by Red's side. "What about you?"

"Fine," Red said without thinking. What else could he have said? _I'm so lost I can't even find myself, the only person that kept me safe just died, and the impulsive, at times scary, man who works with me seems to hold some odd affection towards me... I'm just peachy, don't you worry.'_

"No actually," he corrected, before he could stop himself. "I don't know."

For that one second of weird weakness he let it all show. All the confusion and pain and everything inside him, all of it was visible. The worst part was, that the boy next to him wasn't completely innocent to all the bad things in Red's life. Green looked at him with pained, regretful eyes.

"You should come with me," the gym leader said and, on a brave, spontaneous whim, pulled Red close to him into a tight embrace. He let go almost as fast as he'd pulled him in, though.

"Sorry," he muttered. "It's up to you, anyway."

After that he walked away. Red felt light somehow― like he could just waltz up to the sky and say hello to the clouds. It was a stupid thought, but he liked it.

What he didn't like was the new lady who replaced Agatha in the Elite Four. _Replace_ was a horrible word. _Nobody_ could replace Agatha in his heart or take her place in people's minds. Karen was her name, the new trainer's. She was a woman in her early twenties, beautiful, tall, and quick witted. Her specialty was the dark-type—she told them that she liked their tough looks.

There was nothing wrong with her, she was perfectly alright. At least, when she wasn't talking to _him_.

"Oh, aren't you a cute little boy!" Were the first words she said to Red. "How did you manage to become the champion so young? You must be very special... I can just tell that you're really determined. I like that! You're definitely my new favorite."

After that, she proceeded to get into his company whenever she had the chance. She gave him sweets and spoke to him about everything she liked, not caring that he obviously didn't want to listen. She openly flirted with him, Red realized, now that he knew what flirting was. He couldn't understand what it was with all the adults mistaking him as one.

The worst part was when he one day found her in his room.

"Is this your friend?" She asked holding up a picture of Green Red had on his desk.

He'd gotten the picture from Leaf after becoming a champion. The girl had left for Sevii islands, going after Green despite the way it had seemed like she'd given up on him during the championship fights. She had sent Red a letter, telling that she was staying on island one with some boy she'd met. Strangely enough she hadn't mentioned Green with one word in the letter, but in addition to the letter there had been the picture of the boy standing on a shore, looking off to the sunset, inside the envelope. On the back of the photo Leaf had scribbled: _He's close to finding it, I think._

Karen dropped the photo and smiled. "I like him. Does he come here often?"

That was the last drop to Red's cup before it overflowed. The champion marched to the table, grabbed the picture and his always packed bag from the table and left, Pikachu running after him. He went straight to Lance and told the dragon tamer that he was leaving, not giving the man any reasons even when he demanded them.

"You can be the champion," he snapped and flew off on his Charizard, leaving the Pokémon League behind him for good. He rather thought he wasn't going to return there ever again.

In Viridian city, a first puzzled, then positively surprised, and finally delighted Green opened the door for him. He saw the gym, and it really was amazing. He greeted Eevee, whom Pikachu seemed to love to play with more than anyone else. Green showed him his apartment and took him out for a dinner, and he was happy—truly happy, like he hadn't been for the longest time. Even so, there was still a nagging feeling in his mind that he couldn't escape from.

He spent exactly two months and four days in Viridian, living with Green and mostly staying inside the apartment. Whenever he went out he got the feeling that there were eyes on his back, glaring at him, and that everyone seemed to know him―that everyone was there to tell him their ideas on what he should be. He didn't like it, so he stayed away from other people. Away from those, who knew that he was the champion. Then and there it started to feel like everything was because of just _that_ , because he was the strongest trainer, even if he'd never wanted to be.

Green watched him with sad eyes, lines of worry appearing on his face gradually, until Red couldn't take it. When he said he was leaving, the other nodded.

"Take your time," he said, and with that Red was gone.

**.**

The nights on the mountain were cold and lonely, and he had far too much time for his thoughts. Maybe it was good. He had time to lick his wounds, which seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, or maybe they had always been there but he'd only ever covered them with bright yellow band-aids, pretending they didn't exist. He didn't know, but it was alright—he was lonely and, yes, he was cold, but at least he didn't feel anxious anymore. He almost felt calm and, his mind was at peace. Most of the time, at least.

Days passed, turning to weeks and then months, as Red settled into a cozy pace. He found a sheltered cave with a narrow entrance and a wide cavern at the back, perfect for him to live in. He brought in rocks to use as tables and spread his belongings all over the space, and the cave almost began to feel like home. His pokémon liked it there, the harsh conditions outside making the mountain a great spot to train, interesting and challenging for all of them. Green—who was the only person who knew where he was— grumbled a lot about _the damn mountain_ and how Red had deliberately picked the hardest possible location to visit, but still came to see him regularly.

"I promised, didn't I?" He said and kept bringing Red the supplies he needed to stay alive. Red was thankful enough to feel like crying. He always pulled his hat lower, so that the other boy couldn't see his eyes, which had begun to reveal his true emotions far too often. It didn't matter much anyways, because Green could read him even like that—and maybe it was good that he wasn't holding back all those feelings anymore.

"Jeez, Red... You're always so embarrassing." Green smiled and didn't really mean what he said. That was weird too, hearing his words as a joke and not as a malicious insult. Red smiled in reply, nothing holding back the smile like before. They were both trying hard, and their relationship was getting better—because of the visits or the time in between, Red couldn't tell. It was still something, and something was always better than nothing at all.

He had been staying on Mt. Silver for a year and a half when he unexpectedly met someone other than Green or the nurse at the pokécenter at the root of the mountain, whom he'd become accustomed to. He was actually making his way to the pokécenter then, like he did at least once every month, when his road was suddenly blocked by a positively angry looking boy.

"Well I'm damn sorry for that!" The boy was standing with his back to Red, apparently yelling into his pokégear. Green had told him about those devices, saying that he could get Red one if he wanted. Red had politely declined. If he really, _really_ wanted to contact someone, he could always use the phone in the pokécenter. So far, he hadn't felt the need to do so.

"I understand," the boy said, somewhat calmer now, but at the same time his voice sounded like it came through gritted teeth. Red stopped his walking before the boy, whose red hair seemed to tick something in his memory, still hadn't noticed him. "Yeah. Right. I'll keep that in mind and I'll have _something_ good to say at your funeral."

Red wondered who he was talking to. Someone he held a grudge against, surely, and possibly a close relative. Perhaps his... _father_? Red was sure there was something in all this that he recognized deep down, but it had been so long. It must've been something Green had told him, that much he was sure of, but he just couldn't quite remember.

"...I'm sorry," the boy muttered, very much out of the blue, since Red couldn't hear what the person on the other side of the line had said. "Yeah... yes. Whatever. I'll be going to Blackthorn soon, just passing by. Hmph, I don't care."

He snapped his pokégear shut and turned around, immediately startled by Red. His cheeks flushed and brows burrowed, and Red realized that he was the type who looked cute when he was angry (and was _always_ angry), even if Red had been told he shouldn't call a guy cute.

"What's your problem, sneaking behind people like that?" The boy barked.

"Nothing," Red said bluntly. "It's just rare to see people here."

"Is that your excuse for eavesdropping?" The boy asked, sneering. "Tch, pretty weak..."

Red raised his eyebrows slightly. "I don't have any excuses, I listened because I was interested. You seemed pretty upset at first. Who were you talking to?"

The boy was clearly thrown off by his words, seen from the way his eyes widened and his breath hitched in his throat, causing a bad coughing fit. Pikachu on Red's shoulder tilted his head.

"You should come to the pokécenter to calm down."

"I'm fine!" The boy yelled. Red shrugged and walked closer, taking a hold of the boy's arm. It was far too thin.

"Hey! What the _hell?!_ Let go of me!" The boy wailed around, but Red had a firm grip on him. He was strong enough to easily drag the boy along, and after some five minutes they reached the pokécenter.

"Oh, welcome Red!" The nurse, who lived there, shouted from the other room as soon as they entered. She didn't see them, but she knew it was him since nobody else lived on the mountain and other visitors were practically nonexistent. After a moment she emerged into the waiting hall, and her face instantly morphed from friendly to surprised. "And who's this? Are you hurt?"

Before the boy could open his mouth to retort, Red let go of him and said: "He was lost so I brought him here." He took off the belt containing all his pokéballs and offered it to the nurse, changing the topic. "Here, please check everyone like usual."

The woman smiled and took the belt. "How about you, Pikachu?" She asked the mouse, who had climbed down onto the floor from Red´s shoulder once they were inside. The electric-pokémon skittered past the nurse, and she followed, nodding politely to Red and the boy as she left them alone once more.

"Well, what then?" The boy asked. He didn't sound angry anymore and neither did he look like he was. He was actually quite calm now that he was inside the pokécenter. Red had been right in his assumptions. The boy was a trainer—or well, maybe that much was _obvious_ , since it was a restricted area for only selected trainers. But he had been right in guessing that a place like the pokécenter, where trainers always brought their pokémon to heal after tough battles, would help him calm down.

Red walked over to the couch in the room and sat down, and the boy came soon after. Red didn't say anything, he was waiting. If he was right—and, as he had realized during his time on the mountain, he usually was, when it came to understanding people and pokémon—the boy would talk when he was ready. There was no need to push him.

True enough, after a few minutes the boy opened his mouth.

"I was talking with my father," he said carefully, as if uncertain of his words. Then he hastily (defensively) added: "If you're still so keen on knowing."

"I am," Red said simply. The boy coughed.

"He's not much of a dad… really, a right bastard's what he is. He's never really been there for me," he trailed off, and Red could see the cold anger burning in his gray eyes. It diminished as he opened his mouth again. "Or at least that's what I thought."

He was silent for a long while, and Red listened to the sounds that carried from the examination room as he waited for the other to continue.

"I don't know why I'm telling you this," the boy bit out. "It's weak, and I'm not—"

"That's strength," Red cut through his words. "It takes more strength to open your mouth than it takes to hold it closed."

The boy looked at him with wonder. For the first time since Red had met him he didn't look irritated or angry, but rather purely relieved―like a stone had been lifted off his chest. He soon turned his gaze back to his hands, though.

"This mountain was his hiding place," he said, sounding more confident now. "Whenever he was in trouble, he would always retreat here, leaving behind the people that needed him the most. This is the perfect place for that, because the usually climate and conditions are so harsh, that nobody ever comes here… the whole area used to be completely uncharted before my dad came here."

Red looked outside. The sun was shining. It was a rare and beautiful mid autumn day. There had been people before him, using Mt. Silver as a safe haven, and he could completely understand why.

Thinking about all that he almost missed the boy's next words, as he suddenly lowered his voice to barely a whisper. "I used to think that he was a coward, wanting to escape repercussions of his actions, but I think I'm starting to see differently now… It wasn't to keep him safe, but rather others." He breathed out, long and deep. "He was actually the one to give this mountain it's name, you know? And he named it after _me_."

Red actually startled, the revelation big and unexpected. Suddenly, the memory he had been trying to remember before came rushing back, along with another one that now connected with it, forming a new, complete picture.

Green's words, on a Thursday evening, when they'd been watching a news report about decreased crime rate: " _Hey, ya know... Leaf said that when he was on Sevii, he heard some rocket grunt say—since there was a base or something there—that Giovanni had a kid with red hair... Would you believe that? I wonder if the brat's as friendly as his pa."_

And far before that, a man brushing past him in his fallen glory, whispering: _"Silver will be so disappointed..."_

Red smiled.

"You're on the right road," he said to the red haired boy, patting him on the head. "Don't lose to yourself."

The nurse came back right after that, smiling and babbling about how Red's pokémons were now in perfect health and how it must be hard living up high on the mountain by himself. Somewhere along their conversation the other boy left without saying good bye, but it was fine. Red knew that Silver would be alright.

**.**

Two weeks after meeting Silver, Red met two girls, this time near the peak of the mountain. The taller of the girls had blue-black hair on two extremely spiky ponytails. Red wondered if it was because of the cold that they were spiky, maybe they had frozen that way. The other one had brown hair, worn in a somewhat similar style (only not as spiky) and a puffy white hat with a red ribbon on it. When Red walked over to them, the girls were talking to each other in worried tones, and the Marill by the brunette's leg was looking rather cold.

"I'm tellin' ya, Kris," the smaller piped. "He's— _Oh!_ "

The one apparently called Kris turned around to see what her friend was so shocked about and noticed Red. They both kind of looked like they'd just won the lottery, but weren't sure if it was a dream or not.

"Are you lost?" Red asked politely, since they just as well might've been. Pikachu hopped down and scurried over to the Marill, who seemed to forget feeling cold for the moment being.

"Not exactly," the taller one said and smiled sheepishly. "We were looking—no, waiting for someone, but it seems like it'll take him some more time."

"You should return to the pokécenter, then. It'll get dark soon."

Kris opened her mouth to answer, but the brunette got first: "Are _you_ Red?"

" _Lyra!_ " Kris hissed.

"What, c'mon, Kris...! If we came this far, I wanna know if it's true and I'm _not_ gonna miss my chance."

Red listened to them with growing interest.

"It's just—" Kris started, but stopped in the middle of her sentence. They both turned towards Red with mirrored expressions of curiosity.

"I'm Red," he said. The girls' eyes widened so much it looked comical. He would've laughed if— _well_ , if he was the kind of person who laughed, or even knew how to.

"Um... that's, you see..." Lyra muttered. " _Wow._ "

Red tilted his head to the side.

"You're somewhat of a legend, you know," Kris explained. "Kanto's true champion, missing for almost two years. Everyone keeps whispering about you. There are rumors, all kinds of things, but nobody really knows where you are... and we have this friend…"

"Yeah, Gold," Lyra butted in. "And he's all like: _‘Red's at Mt. Silver’_ , because apparently that's where _he_ would be, or something."

"So we came here to see for ourselves, and he was supposed to come too, but he says that he got stuck in Vermilion… and now you're there and... he was r _ight_ ," Kris finished.

They all fell silent, Red thinking about the things he'd just been told, and the girls fidgeting and waiting for him to say something while throwing each other meaningful glances. Then the champion smiled.

"Gold, was it?" He asked, scooping down to pick up his little yellow friend. "I'll be waiting."

The girls both nodded, and Red turned to leave. He knew they would manage just fine without his help. And besides—he had to get ready.

When Green visited him a few days after, he told the gym leader about the odd meeting.

"You'll come home, won't you?" Green asked. "If he beats you?"

Red didn't answer—he couldn't say yet.

"Right," Green mumbled. "I could say that I won't get my hopes up, but that would be lying. So instead I'm gonna say that I'll wait for you."

What Green was hoping for and what Red himself was hoping for... what the home Green spoke of was... These were the questions Red had tried to answer, but they still remained as problems unsolved. However, now he felt like he was close—closer than he'd ever been to finding the answers.

The next days he spent training so hard he forgot everything else. More than for the pokémon, the training was for him, so he could keep a look out  for any visitors on the mountain. He wandered about on trails he hadn't much used and watched the leaves slowly withering away on the ground, long since fallen. The very peak was almost always covered in a slight snow, but on the level where his cavern was situated first snow would fall any day now. He could practically smell the winter.

Outside in the breeze he smiled to himself, and Charizard blew a great flame to the starry night sky. He would climb to the peak tomorrow, to watch the snow fall. And if asked how he knew, he couldn't answer, but he knew it:

_He_ was coming too.

**.**

The blizzard started only a second after he saw the figure approaching from the cave. He had been right― this was the one he'd been waiting for. And then Red realized that just like Green, he _too_ had gotten his hopes up. It would be shattering to realize it had been all for nothing, but it was too late to change anything now. He'd have to cling to that hope like his life depended on it. And didn't it? Not literally, but in some way it would decide the direction of his days.

Black hair, a red jacket, and a yellow cap—that's all he could see from the distance. When he walked closer he could see that the boy was young, _so_ young, but still somehow he seemed wiser than Red had been at that age. Wiser than he was _now_. On some level Red understood that this was all in his mind, a made up story complying to his expectations, but it didn't matter. If it was true to him, it didn't matter what was true to others.

"Hey," the boy shouted. There was only five meters between them, but the wind was blowing cold, wet snow into their faces, and it was hard to hear and see. "Red, right? I wanna challenge you."

His voice was nice: strong, determined, and somehow it reminded him of Green's. It had the same curiously tantalizing undertone, but at the same time Gold's voice was lot more freely happy. Red closed his eyes and nodded. The boy couldn't see it, but he was sure he could understand his agreement. Pikachu's cheeks were sparking with fervor as Red let his friend down, and the mouse charged into battle.

It lasted so long that the snowing subsided, and the sun began to peek through the clouds. Red called out one exhausted pokémon after another, sending out his friends one by one. They were all strong and proud, but could do nothing but surrender before the young challenger's companions. Right from the start Red had known it would be a good battle, no matter the outcome, and when he finally called back his trusted Charizard, whom he'd saved for the last, he smiled so much that he hadn't thought himself capable of such. He smiled so much, he thought he would _burst_ with the odd peace and happiness that was trying to flow out of his body where it didn't all fit.

Whatever Red had hoped for, it didn't matter anymore. He could see himself and he could see the road he had chosen long ago, so clear that it almost hurt to look at. It was weird, all in all, because this boy, Gold, had nothing to do with it—just seeing his determined eyes and the look of absolute surety in them after the battle had been enough.

"It's over," Red muttered to no one, or maybe to Pikachu or the wind. The boy behind him couldn't hear it, that much was sure. "No... It's just begun."

After that he turned and walked over to Gold, who had finished praising all of his pokémon for working so hard. The boy called them back to their balls, since they were all so exhausted that travelling on Mt. Silver would've been a bit too much for them.

"It's weird," the younger said. "Huh... this is what it feels like."

"How do you feel?" Red asked.

The boy laughed, a clear sound, like a spring stream. "Nothing! I feel nothing at all! But at the same content and different and not different... do you get it?"

"No," Red said honestly. "I haven't ever felt like that."

Gold's face looked blank, but his eyes shone with understanding. He smiled apologetically. "That's..."

"Don't say anything." Red silenced him. "It's time for me to let go."

Gold nodded. "Yeah, me too... even if I've now reached this point, I can't stand still. I've got to keep moving forward, towards the things I haven't yet reached."

Red smiled—the kid was unbelievable.

"What?" Gold asked puzzled. "What are you laughing about?"

"Am I?" Red countered with his own question. Then he answered it himself in his mind: _I guess I am_. It was his way of laughing, and Gold could see it straight away, even though he hadn't even been able to see it himself. How right the boy was, in everything. There was still so much for Red to learn. Things about himself and about―

"You're so much wiser than I was," he said placing his hand on Gold's shoulder. The boy looked up to him. "Let's go down."

In his mind he thought that he would spend just this one more night on the mountain that had been his shelter for such a long time. Maybe he needed the company, before leaving on a new journey. Maybe he couldn't bear to be alone in the night with such a thought.

"Yeah," Gold said grinning. "Let's."

For once the cavern Red had called his home was filled with warmth and laughter. In his memories Red always wanted to remember it like that―the way it had been on his last night. They talked about all kinds of things, anything that came to mind. He listened to Gold telling his story, telling about his home and his friends and meeting his pokémon. The tired monsters rested, and the fire they'd lit burned merrily. He drank the last of the special blend tea Green had brought for him maybe for Christmas or New Year or some other celebration. It was odd how everything seemed different, but in reality nothing had changed except the way he saw it.

Gold seemed to understand him better than most people he'd met. Almost as well as Green understood him and almost as well as he understood Green, even though he couldn't understand Green and he knew that the boy—no, maybe he was a man now—couldn't really understand him either. It was a different understanding to how Gold understood him, more special.

Thinking about it made his heart flutter, and now he could understand that too.

Into the late night, Gold suddenly became quiet and he silently rose up and wandered to the cavern's mouth. Red followed after and stopped besides the younger, staring up to the infinite starlit sky.

"I have a... friend," Gold began uncertainly, "who has the same name as this mountain."

Red hummed to show he was listening and the boy went on.

"Actually, I don't know if we're friends. It's difficult, I can't explain it..."

"Try," Red prompted.

Gold sighed. "He's precious to me, and I know that he can't hate me. I've seen him change, and I think that maybe he has changed me too, just as much. I feel like I know him like I know myself, but I can't understand his actions or words," he swallowed. "I don't know what I should do."

"Try," Red repeated, and Gold looked up, surprised. "You should always keep reaching for him. Don't stop, you said yourself that you have to keep going. It's easy to lose sight of what's ahead of you, but it's hard to grasp it."

This was ridiculous, he was the one giving advice to the boy who'd saved him—life was full of mysteries.

"When you do catch him, don't let go. That's the end of one road." Red pulled the boy into an at first awkward hug that soon turned comforting. Against Gold's hair he whispered: "And possibly, if all goes well, the start of another― a shared one."

He held the boy and thought that there was one final road for him to take too, before he'd reached his real destination.

**.**

Descending from the mountain, he said good bye to Gold. It was easy, knowing they would inevitably meet again. The road to Viridian was covered in leaves, and being down from the mountain the temperature almost felt _hot_. Though in reality it was late in November, to him it felt like the much awaited spring after a seemingly endless winter.

He stopped by at the League. The building in the Indigo Plateau hadn't changed, but the people inside it had. He was greeted by Lance, who didn't seem as strange and threatening anymore, but he still couldn't quite face the man's eyes. Perhaps one day he could, but not yet.

Karen was there too, just as friendly and flirty as he remembered, but now there was nothing wrong with her actions. Bruno was still the same, but Lorelei had left. In her place there was a man named Will who greeted him with extra special politeness, and Koga, from Fuchsia, had been selected as the final Elite Four member.

Lance asked him if he had met Gold.

"I was beaten," Red said and smiled. "It's better this way."

He left soon after, wishing them all the best and promising Karen that he'd visit her sometime and even bring over the cute friend he'd never told her about. He was on high spirits as he walked down the road, and Pikachu skipped alongside him. Soon he could see Viridian city's skyline and there he stopped for a moment to admire the view.

His destination was right there, deep in the heart of the city.

He walked down the streets and he felt free of the stares he'd always felt on his back during his last time here. He saw the people's smiles and politeness instead of the doubt and hate he'd seen then. It hadn't changed, the city was the same, but _he_ was a new person.

Green was at his gym. When he walked inside, a trainer he vaguely recognized from his last visit greeted him and guessed that he was looking for the leader. The guy led him to the back of the gym, pointing at a door.

"He's inside, probably doing nothing," he said and smirked, walking off without another word.

Red, on the other hand, walked inside without knocking. Green dropped his coffee cup.

" _Wha_ —" the hazel haired man asked, perfectly dumbfounded.

"I'm visiting," Red replied.

Then they were suddenly crashing onto each other _hard,_ desperate lips on lips, hands around Red's waist and Green's neck, both pulling the other one closer and closer even when it felt like they would start to _merge_ together. The force of the impact hit Red minutes later, and he collapsed against Green, the man somehow managing to support them both on his own wobbly feet.

"Oh dear _lord_..." Green moaned, out of breath and sounding like even he himself couldn't comprehend how happy he was. "You finally figured it out."

"I did," Red whispered into Green's neck, hot breath tickling and sending shivers down the man's spine. "I really did."

"Wow," he said with nothing better to say. After a while: "We should go somewhere else."

Red laughed in his way, a twinkle in his eyes and a smile on his lips, and Green's breath hitched in his throat.

"You're laughing," he said, and his voice was for once very small. His eyes glistened. "God, Red, you're so beautiful."

And Red couldn't say anything, but he wiped the tear from Green's eye and held his face in his hands, staring into the green eyes. The man was taller than him, not by much but still a little. He wouldn't rise on his tiptoes like a heroine in a romance movie―even if he now understood that it was okay, he could be girly and that didn't make him any less of a man―but he would pull the other man down for very slow kiss.

After that he sighed in a slightly shaky voice, drawing in Green's scent. The moment felt like a small eternity and after it he smiled once more.

" _I'm home."_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Back in 2011, this piece was my first "longer" fanfic and also the one that inspired me to keep writing more about pokémon characters. It originally started as a pokémon kink meme fill, but grew into this monster about overcoming bullying, understanding yourself and others, and the pain of growing up. I feel like there's a lot more said between the lines than with actual words, so if something feels unclear, please don't hesitate to ask questions! Thanks for reading!
> 
> \- Endles
> 
> PS, I'm currently in the process of transferring my fics from ff.net to here, so you can expect more from me as I gradually read, edit, and repost all my stories from the past six or so years. :)


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